Amy Did a Bad Bad Thing

I am in a crappy mood. Actually, crappy is an understatement.

After waiting in line three different times to get checked into the rooms, and foraging for shrimp coffee, I can't seem to pull myself out from the depths of stinky attitude falling all around me.

It's raining crap ... and I am a poo sandwich (pardon the French.)

I think being overtired coupled with over stimulation in the form of Vegas is taking its toll. My poor little boyfriend and BFF are trying to make the best of it, and administer CPR to my mood -- but it ain't working. I just can't seem to shake it. I feel terrible, and if you could crawl under a bed and hide -- I just might. But you know those hotel beds ... they have those stupid boxes under them. Maybe I can hide in the closet. It's bigger than my bathroom at home.

Mom called. I think she's either drunk or gambling away her life savings in some dingy casino. Grandma is holed up in casa de room. We brought her roasted pepper soup and bread for dinner. Sounds more like jail, but she seems to be happy. I took a long bath and am going to start getting ready while my pals try and sleep for a while. Maybe if I sneak down to the bar and do a few shots I'll get this frown turned upside down

Thankfully, Vegas is a round-the-clock affair ... so maybe we can make the most of it yet.

Cross your fingers.

Shrimp Scampi Coffee

I don't think it's right when your mother finds a shrimp tail at the bottom of her coffee cup. Here's a play-by-play:

MOM: What do you think that is?

DANA: What?

MOM: I just pulled that out of my coffee cup.

DANA: (leaning in for a closer inspection) Eeew.

(MOM pokes it around on her plate with a fork.)

DANA: I think it's a shrimp. N0 -- it IS a shrimp. Look (pointing) ...there's the tail. I think I want to throw up (she says, eyeing her own coffee with a look of disgust.)

MOM: Well ... it didn't kill me (she says, drinking the rest of the coffee.)

She said it didn't taste different, but that the second shrimp-free cup was much better. Maybe it's good luck in some other culture I'm not aware of? The "Island Buffet" at the Tropicana was not worth your time. Ugh.

Speaking of luck ... I get the coolest fortune in my cookie last night. It reads: "An enjoyable vacation is awaiting you near the mountains."

Never Wake A Sleeping Grandma

You thought sleeping babies were cute ... check out a sleeping Grandma. I mentioned how we think she's shrinking on this trip? The lack of sleep, miles and miles of walking through caves and wilderness, and road wear and tear have turned her into Grandma Button. I expect her to be pocket-sized by the time we get back home.

The place we stayed last night was awesome -- this lodge operating under the guise of a Quality Inn. It was right at the base of the road to the Grand Canyon -- about an hour away -- had teepees, tennis courts, horses and really quaint rooms. And a fan in the bathroom. Highly recommended.

On the drive to the Grand Canyon, the are flocks of sheep props lining the road. The weird thing is, they're all facing in the same direction. We pull into the gas station for a fill up. We're down a quarter tank and the girls are having an anxiety attack about running out of gas. Apparently they don't understand that the 60 miles in plus the 60 miles out is 120 miles. That means we'll need less than a half a tank. The girls defy logic. Want to know what else defies logic? The fact that all the cars at the gas station are also pointed in the same direction. Baaaaaa ...

We're looking for tumble weeds. Grandma says when they came out West in the 1950's (she talks about this a LOT -- but I'll save that story for later), she wanted Grandpa to strap one to the top of the car and take it home. He refused. Mom says not to worry -- we'll bring her one home and then she can spray it with glitter paint. Frankly, I don't get it. But I know one thing -- we don't have any rope. Can you imagine us driving the balance of our 8,000 miles with a tumbleweed duct taped to the top of the car?

The topography is so flat, I can barely imagine that the Grand Canyon will be all that GRAND. Gram says, "You just wait." Patience must be a virtue you acquire with white hair. It's a beautiful sunny and nearly cloudless day, yet when we arrive, it's pretty hazy over the canyon. It is still really pretty ... for a gargantuan hole in the ground. Still, despite the crap weather, I'm more in awe of Sedona's red rocks. Oh, Sedona -- why did you forsake me?

We stop along the old Route 66 for lunch at some little hole-in-the-wall diner. The food was mediocre, but the indignant stares we received when we enter ... priceless. I don't think they cared to have us there. Must be from New Mexico.

I get a short nap in the car before Mom pulls to a screeching halt in front of a cell phone tower. We haven't had good cell service for a few days. I suppose if we'd had Verizon there would be a semi full of tech support behind us at every turn. Mom tells me to make our reservations for the night since we're getting into Vegas a day early. Thankfully, we get into the MGM Grand -- which is where we are staying for the balance of our stay. Done and done, but now I can't go back to sleep. Thwarted again.

Mom pulls over at the Hoover Dam so I can get a quick pick of Stanley, and also have me drive the rest of the way. My BFF (that means Best Friend Forever, in case you don't speak acronym) Dana and boyfriend Eric are already in town and having cocktails. I feel the slight sting of jealousy, especially since the check in process is so freaking gruelling. The rooms are nice, though. We get checked in and go pick up their stuff at Candlewood Suites -- the hotel Dana got free with her airline ticket. She was so afraid of the bedspread she spread towels on it before getting on the bed. She's staying with us. We forget Eric's shoes. Dana gives me the most fabulous birthday presents -- including a sash that I have to wear that says "It's My Birthday -- Spoil Me" and a tiara that says "Goddess."

Dinner at PF Chang's and would you BELIEVE -- back to the room to go to bed. We are all exhausted.

What happens in Vegas is pretty uneventful tonight, but I'm looking forward to getting spoiled tomorrow.