Alcohol & Hot Dogs Don't Mix

Our waiter at breakfast, Joshua, is so friendly I thought he might pull up a chair and join us. I have what appears to be a bucket of oatmeal. There really is such a thing as too much fiber.

After, we take the monorail to the Luxor and Mandalay Bay. The shark exhibit at Mandalay Bay is about $18 per person. The lion exhibit at our hotel is free. My lions can take your freaking sharks anytime. We head to the Luxor, where Eric is greatly disappointed to find that Ra is now LAX. Vegas is full of change, except when you leave.

Then there's no change left in your pockets.

I want to check out New York New York because the frozen cocktails last night led to my inherent inability to remember being there less than 24 hours ago. Dana decides to head back for some hot hot pool action. As Eric and I wander the casino floor toward the roller coaster, where Deja Vu hits. Damn it. I don't want to ride the same overpriced roller coaster twice ... so we head out to walk the strip.

We go in a few kitchy little shops. I see this little figuring of a man blowing bubbles -- with his butt. I think it may be the coolest thing I've seen in Vegas.  Check out the video:

We discover that if Eric and I lived in sin, we'd have gotten a great discount to go see the Blue Man Group. A female M&M manhandles me at the M&M store. Then our search for a clean bathroom for me leads us to Gameworks. Eric's logic being that it must be clean since no girls would ever go there. Now the men's restroom -- that's another story.

For some reason we decide, of all the places to eat in Vegas, that we'll order Kobe beef hot dogs at Gameworks. Alcohol plus Gamework's unmentionable meat products equals disaster. Thankfully, I only eat half of mine. Sadly, I give the other half to Eric. By later in the evening, he's shivering uncontrollably under the covers, holding his tummy. Poor guy.

Grandma and her brother -- whom she has not seen in almost 25 years -- have a lovely reunion. She didn't recognize him at first. I walk toward a man standing with a younger woman, convinced he must be related to her since they look so much alike. She's still not sure ... until he takes his hat off. Then there's big hugs and introductions. I've never met my Great Uncle Art before, nor his daughter -- my cousin -- Penny. I like them immediately.

They take off to catch up while I go to try and catch up with Dana poolside. Either her phone or mine is acting as a black hole for text messages, so I can't find her. I lay in the sun for a while and then head back up to the room. Later, we drive around trying to find the original Vegas sign, but it proved difficult. Though I will say that en route I see the funniest damn billboard ever:

Really? How many male readers think having surgery anywhere near your "junk" is easy? I'm dumbfounded, but it reminds me of another crazy billboard I saw on the way in to town for a company called Ticket Busters. Their phone number was 666-6666. I wonder if you have to sell your soul to the devil get out of a DUI in Sin City. Thankfully, I haven't been drinking. 

Yet.

Tonight ... dinner at Tom Colicchio's Craftsteak.

Hotter Than Dutch Love

Made a 50% recovery last night ... aided by booze.  I may have also accidentally taken a muscle relaxer instead of the allergy medication I was shooting for, which would account for my being somewhat comatose for the balance of the evening.  

Went to the Excalibur and took nefarious pictures with Sponge Bob where he appears to be looking at my bosom.  Then on to New York New York for a $14 roller coaster ride that lasted all of five minutes.  Tried to buy frozen daiquiris in a cowboy boot, but they were out.  My friend Ahn Ei (ahn-eee) says drinks just taste better out of a boot.   Dana adds a story about how rugby players drink beer out of their shoes.  I silently thank God I never played rugby.

We tried to break into the pool.  No luck. Went to a Mexican restaurant where they made guacamole table side that was so hot you could barely eat it.  If you know me, you know that's saying something.  I like it hot.  Went back to room for a nap where I called the concierge to ask if they could open the pool for us.  No luck.  We tried to break in to Studio 54.  No luck.

Let's blow this popsicle stand.

We head to Freemont Street where I decide Subway sounds good.  Wanted to see the famous Vegas sign, only to find it's on the other end of the strip.  Eric asks us to point out what a hooker looks like, but seems just as happy to find signs touting 99 cent shrimp cocktail and deep fried Twinkies. 

We head to the Stratosphere, where the cabby tells us the about life in Vegas.  He's from Holland.  Eric calls it the Netheregions.  Dana is always saying, "It's hotter than Dutch love."  I ask the driver how hot Dutch love really is.  He says something about a Dutch oven that I can't remember. The rides at the Stratosphere are closed, but we discover an all-you-can-drink happy hour we should definitely avoid.

The taxi driver on the way back to MGM Grand was hysterical.  Eric asks him who has the best hamburgers.  To Eric's delight (I think he might have started to cry), he replied In & Out Burger.  The driver says McDonalds is the worst. He said you have two choices after eating there -- a gallon of Pepto or a roll of toilet paper.

Check out our video at In & Out Burger:

It's about 2:30 am when we get back to the hotel and into bed.

It's about 6:30 am when the alarm on my phone goes off.